20 October 2016

What Your Tutu Color Says About You

So you're thinking about getting a tutu. Congratulations! This is a big step in your journey toward becoming a true outdoor enthusiast. Everyone knows: you aren't really an adventurer until you've adventured in a tutu.

Your choice in tutu color is important. Your tutu is the very first thing people will notice about you, and you don't want to send the wrong message with purple when you're really more of an orange. That could get ugly.

To help you on your journey of discovery, you'll need to know what each tutu color represents to determine if it's the right color for you. Presented below in no particular order, here are your options:

Purple: Highly psychic, you probably know what people are thinking before they open their mouth. You're seen as mysterious and secretive, and you are the proud owner of a truly intuitive mind. But inside you are full of turmoil, with two distinct camps setting up their arsenals for battle. Pull on the purple tutu and breathe easy, because you always have a soft, tender, harmonious side that just wants everyone to get along.

Orange: Well aren't you the social butterfly. Flitting from crowd to crowd, you are a roller-coaster of activity (and emotion). When you aren't busy being the center of attention, you can be charming and offer real insight for others in need. But your fuse is short. Try not to hold a grudge when you inevitably covet a different (and somehow better) tutu belonging to a friend.

Turquoise: Like the calm serenity one finds off the coast of Fiji, your soul is always seeking calm. You long to escape your life - your friends, your family, your job, your annoying neighbor, and that guy who will just not get a clue! - and dash away to a place far, far away. Independence is important to you, and yet you allow yourself to be tied down by so many things. Stop taking on so damn much, buy a freaking tutu, and go outside already!

Dark Blue: Take a deep breath in. And out. And in. And out. Like a hot vinyassa flow yoga class, you are level-headed and balanced. You're a peacemaker, and value truthfulness and direct communication in all of your relationships. You're nearly perfect in every sense of the word. If only you would shower more.

Pink: Strong and confident, you are wearing a tutu and don't care who sees! You're creative and generous, and will fight to the death for the people you care about. You love the peaceful bliss of spending time in nature but are always sure to bring the party with you. Who cares if your flamboyant ridiculous is off-putting? You're making the world a better place for you.

Yellow: Quiet and happy, you find contentment in the simple pleasures of life. You take the high ground, and would never debase yourself in a confrontation about something silly like who are we voting for the next President - Clinton or Trump? You're analytical and a good reader of people, but frankly you aren't all that much fun because you tend to be what we call "book smart". The tutu will help change this reputation. Avoid the tutu when you are feeling overwhelmed by others, because people WILL talk to you whether you want them to or not.

Red: Like the fire and brimstone that created this great hunk of earth we call home, you are not someone to be messed with. You are full of enthusiasm and energy, and you're adventurous with food, travel, and sexual partners. You feel called to action by a strong force, and can find yourself in hot water often. But most people love your fiery spirit. Keep on being you. Be careful not to wear the tutu when your Saturn is in orbit - it will bring imbalance to your Chi.

Green: Work work work work work, you are responsible to a fault and frankly it's amazing you found any time to buy a tutu and take it outside at all. You choose your people - and your adventures - with great care. You're popular, admired, and respected, but can be too strong at times. People appreciate your practical advice, and your penchant for bringing tasty treats. Order a tutu with extra tulle so you can make some snack pockets.

White: Like the Virgin Mary, your soul and spirit are clean. Wait, who are we kidding? What are you hiding under all those layers of fluffiness?

Rainbow: Wow, you just can. not. make. up. your. mind. Pick a goddamned color, it's really not that hard. You are like a tornado, hurricane, typhoon, and Seattle #Stormapocalypse2016 all rolled into one. Just...stop.

Black: Are you kidding me? Do you think you're the black swan or something? You know that's not a real thing, right? This is not an acceptable tutu color. Don't even think about it.

Order your tutu* now as a way to show the world your commitment to all things awesome and ridiculous. Bonus points if you buy crazy leggings and leg warmers to match.  

*Note: You can add the word NEON to the front of any of these colors to prove you have extra flair. You also get extra points for making your own.

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