14 May 2013

How To Have A Kickass Birthday

Start with an obnoxious birthday countdown. Yes, it will be annoying, but you don't care, because honey badger don't give a f***. I recommend a monthly countdown, with a bigger deal made for the quarter, HALF, and three-quarter birthdays.

About a month before your actual birthday, go ahead and just plan a week's worth of celebrations. Your parents (and presumably grandparent's and friends of parents and so on and so forth) eagerly anticipated your arrival for MONTHS! A week's worth of celebration is hardly overkill.

Then, execute on such plans.

Start slow: commandeer your running group by bringing cookies and announcing it's almost your birthday. This will whet everyone's birthday appetite (and just might get you a few free drinks).

Bram leading a 10c at Amazonia Wall. Just thinking about it now makes me cringe.

Go climbing outside and climb as you've NEVER climbed before! No, this does not mean crushing. This means flailing and getting shut down on an easy 5.9. Go home and contemplate crying in your meaningless, empty apartment because you suck at climbing and that is sad. But then don't feel those feelings, turn them off instead. Choose to feel GOOD because, even if you suck at climbing, you are still WINNING AT LIFE!

Start sewing like a crazy person to finish your costume in time for the party in 3 hours. Stress about how HARD it is to put icing on cupcakes (seriously, it is super difficult). Decide icing can wait and go back to hopeless costume project. Miraculously finish sewing and go to party!

Invent a ridiculous theme party idea and invite good friends to attend. Be genuinely humbled by all of the awesome people who show up and impressed by the creative costumes. Elementary School Throwback - who would have known it was such a treasure trove of possibilities?!?!

Elementary School Throwback - Find a picture of you aged 9 or younger and dress to match
Stas was lucky that his parents started dressing him up ridiculously at an early age.
Sarah went all in and it was AMAZING!
Wow. Even Honey Badger would be impressed with this one.
Seriously go team dress up! Nailed the basket hand placement and everything!

Leave party early (1am) to get home, sleep, and get up early (5am) to drive to Mount Saint Helen's. Put on a tutu. Climb the mountain. Ski down.

Helen's - much more melted out than last year.
Bram putting in a skin track. In a dress.
No summit? No problem. Jumping pictures are always awesome!
Team Tutu! We are better skiers than ballerinas!

Sleep in a tent. Preferably with a hot lady (in white leopard print tights). Extra bonus points for setting up the tent while wearing a tutu.

Everything is better in a tutu

On your actual birthday, go climbing again. Try not to suck so much.

Erica and I at the climbing gym. Thanks for my favourite beer! Straight from the brewery!

Then go to eat sushi. Because, sushi.

Happy Birthday to you too Hexar! (And Ben and Kristi and Amber and ALL MAY BABIES EVERYWHERE!)

Oh yeah, and do this all in 4 short days. ANNNNND Go!

Thanks to all of you who celebrated with me! Next year: Dirty Thirty!

Don't forget your action figure mascot!


Matt Q said...

Better start planning now if you are going to beat this years birthday. And since next year is a milestone I assume you will be not just having a _better_ birthday day/week/month/year but an OUTSTANDINGLY better day/week/month/year. And... GO

Allison Lee said...

count down to your 50th starting NOW!!!!